Knowing more about your significant other—such as their likes/dislikes, values, and motivations—can help you be a better partner and take your relationship to the next level. When partners understand one another, they may be better able to communicate, provide each other support, and work together.
It’s not always easy to fill any gaps in knowledge that may exist, though. To help you develop a more thorough understanding of your partner, we’ve gathered a series of questions that can help you evaluate your level of knowledge about them, along with tips for strengthening your connection. Read on to learn more.
How well do you know your partner?
Is your partner shy and reserved? Or do they prefer the company of others? Would they rather stay in on the weekends? Or do they like to be out and about?
A stronger understanding of your partner often starts with knowledge about key aspects of their values, personality, proclivities and communication style.
General questions
Knowing what your partner likes, dislikes, fears or dreams about can provide you with an abundance of interesting information about them. You may consider asking yourself the following questions about your partner. If you’re not able to answer them, you may consider asking your partner yourself.
What about you do they love the most?
What about themselves do they love the most?
What habit of yours do they wish you would improve on? How about their own?
What is their favorite book, movie or tv show? Why?
What is their most comforting memory?
Where do they dream of visiting the most?
What are some of their short-term and long-term goals?
What are their favorite hobbies?
What are they afraid of?
What makes them sad?
How do they get along with their parents or siblings?
Who is their best friend? Why?
Where do they want to live when they retire? Why?
How do they calm down when they’re angry or upset?
Exploring communication style
In addition to developing a better understanding of who your significant other is, it can be important to know how they operate and communicate within your relationship for a greater sense of harmony and synergy.
How communication styles influence your relationship
Understanding your partner’s communication style can help you express your thoughts and feelings with one another while also allowing you to fulfill each other’s needs. Talking about your feelings can be a great way to strengthen your relationship by increasing emotional intimacy and trust.
As you work together in a relationship, it can also help to know what your partner’s, and your own, primary communication style is. Three common communication styles to possibly consider are passive, assertive, and aggressive styles.
Although you may have one primary type of communication, people might transition to different communication styles depending on who they are talking to and the type of situation they are presented with.
Before you begin forming questions in this area, you might consider reviewing the descriptions below to help you better determine what your partner’s primary communication style is—and then see if you can identify what your own primary communication style is.
Are they a passive communicator?
Individuals who communicate in a passive manner might often:
Prioritize the needs of others before their own
Seem soft-spoken
Lack of assertiveness when expressing their needs and wants
Allow others to manipulate or take advantage of them
Lack of confidence and self-esteem
Struggle to maintain eye contact with others
Are they an assertive communicator?
Individuals who communicate in an assertive manner might often:
Advocate for themselves (such as when they express needs, wants, feelings or beliefs)
Listen without interrupting
Advocate for their beliefs
Display a confident tone while speaking
Exhibit respect for others
Maintain eye contact
Compromise
Are they an aggressive communicator?
Individuals who communicate in an aggressive manner might often:
Use criticism, dominance, or humiliation to control conversations
Speak loudly or in an overbearing manner
Become frustrated easily
Disrespect the opinions of others
Interrupt
Avoid compromise
How to work with your partner’s communication style
If you find that your partner communicates in either a passive or an aggressive style, you might consider how that influences your interactions. You may realize that certain disputes you’ve had in the past might have been the result of differences in how you express yourselves. You might also notice that you might, at times, display some of the traits of an aggressive or passive communicator—and that modifying that behavior may help you get on the same page with your partner.
No matter what you discover, you can consider talking to your partner about their communication style and finding out how you can better understand one another.
Questions to help strengthen your relationship
Now that you’ve asked yourself (and, possibly, your significant other) the above questions, you may have a better idea about aspects of your partnership you’d like to enhance.
Questions to ask yourself about your partner
What first attracted you to your partner?
Do you remember the moment that you knew that you fell in love with your partner?
How would you describe your partner to a stranger?
Is there a date you’d like to plan for your partner?
How did you flirt with your partner when you first met? Do you still do that?
What are some things your partner does that you love?
How can you show more love to your partner on an everyday basis?
Tips for deepening your connection
In relationships, continuing to cultivate a strong bond with your partner—even after many years—can be vital. As relationships grow, partners might sometimes become complacent and less focused on showing one another love. However, there are things you can do every day to foster closeness.
Here are some examples of ways to deepen your connection with your partner and put your love into action:
Highlight the positives about your partner daily
Discuss and plan your future together
Show your partner support regarding their individual life goals and accomplishments
Acknowledge that there is generally always room for self-improvement
Be accountable and reliable, and always try to keep your word.
Plan and engage in activities that you know they love
Surprise your partner with thoughtful, meaningful gestures
Identify and learn your partner's love language—whether it is words of affirmation, physical touch, gifts, quality time, or acts of service
Prepare meals together
Create and maintain a stress-free and peaceful home environment
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