Introduction
One of the most important steps to getting married is the marriage vows that couples take concerning themselves. Those vows are covenants that should not be ignored or disregarded easily.
The reason is that marriage itself is a covenant relationship and departure from those vows could frustrate the marriage. Whenever people are making a vow or a commitment, it is always important to pray for God's grace to keep the vows to the end.
Any breaking of the vows at any point in the process of time could frustrate the marriage with bitter consequences on both sides. Marriage is hard if you did not count your cost before entering into it. You should do enough due diligence before going into marriage.
It is important that you are marrying your love, not someone your parents recommended. You are also not marrying someone because of other considerations like charity, empathy or to seal the business relationship between your two families, these are not long-lasting marriages.
I am an advocate of happy and spirit-filled marriage, so I will always ask the man or woman getting married to enquire from the Lord whether their fiancee is in Christ or in the world? He or she should also find out whether his fiance is in darkness or in Light.
Darkness means being a member of a dark society like witchcraft, an occultist etc. That is the first hurdle to be crossed. The second hurdle is the parent of the man or woman. Who are they before the Lord? Are they in darkness or light?
It is a well-known fact that people recreate themselves in their children, so if your inlaws are in secret societies and their son or daughter says he or she is in Christ, then you know the kind of prayer to say before, during and after the marriage, to annul their power.
If the first and second hurdles has been taken care of, you can then propose the lady for marriage and make your own private vows before the Lord to be steadfast in loving her, and her alone all your life. The vow of chastity is the first private vow men who fear the Lord make, long before they get married to their fiancee.
The second vow is a prayer for God to help you be the head of the woman and the family indeed. You have to ask for divine favour in everything you lay your hands to do, so the resources to support the family will not be in want. There are other vows and prayers before the Lord, but I want to share the duties of the man in a marriage. Some of them include:
Love and Submission
Love and submission are the two most important requirement for a happy marriage and home. The man is to love the wife as Christ loved the Church, he is to love the wife more than himself, and be ready to die for her.
The woman should in return, submit to her own husband in all things. The bible says the man is the head of the woman as well as the head of the family, while the wife is his helpmate. The man can not succeed alone, he need help and God decided to give him a helpmate meet for him.
Submission is very important for genuine love and happiness to blossom in the marriage, and the opposite of submission is rebellion, argument and quarrelling everything. It is disagreement and disobedience to the instruction or advice of the man.
Meaning of Submission:
Submission means to submit to your husband, without minding whether he is dominant or not. When he knows you are submissive, he will be pleased and highly appreciative of your person and contributions in the house.
A Submissive wife sees the husband as the leader of your heart and home. She will get whatever she desires from her husband. Submission should be from within and not forced on you by anyone. It comes as an act of obedience to the word of God, and an act of peaceful home building.
Being a submissive wife is simply about serving your husband in a way that benefits you and the entire marital relationship. It takes a strong and confident woman to be a submissive wife. It does not mean that you don't have an opinion or that you let your husband control every aspect of your life.
Being a submissive wife to your husband means that you focus on being his helper, lover, and supporter. Submitting to the will of your husband is a sign of complete trust and love and can significantly improve your marriage.
The opposite of submission is disobedience to the word of God. It is giving heed to seducing spirit called feminism, which has destroyed many homes and put a lot of women in confusion and unhappiness.
The Enemy of Submission
Feminism focusses you on the aggressive path with your husband at home, to the extent that the man is afraid of the wife and coming back home after the day's work in the office. For many women, this focus on aggression has led to more unhappiness and more stress in their lives.
This kind of focus doesn't always allow women to nurture a friendly relationship with their husbands. The truth is that aggression and combativeness do not work with men in a marriage. This is because biologically men are the most combative and aggressive animal.
And they tend to fight tooth and nail when they think someone is challenging them—even if the one challenging them is a woman.
Duties of Husband
Being the head of the woman and the home comes with responsibilities. You should pray for the Spirit of God to direct your steps right and give you wisdom, discernment and grace to love your wife and provide suitable and love-filled leadership in the house.
It is important to know the woman you are marrying. What she like and dislikes and be able to provide the kind of care and attention that will make her feel loved and appreciated. Appreciation is so key to winning a woman, that cannot be ignored.
The following are some of the duties of the man in the house.
1. Love your wife as yourself.
2. Help your wife feel beautiful and loved.
3. Be honest to her and treat her with kindness.
4. Forgive your wife again and again.
5. Listen to your wife. Women observe things that men may not see.
6. Learn to play with your wife - A touch on her belly and a peck on the chicks can make her day.
7. Never despise your wife, either in the public or in secret.
8. Love your wife from your heart and appreciate her openly
9. Give her surprises and more surprises.
10. Buy her things big and small, but in addition, give her money to buy what she likes.
11. Give her money to give herself a treat.
12. Remember to give her money
13. Don't forget to give her money
Secondary duties of Men
Big gestures are great, but if we're honest, it's the everyday little things that matter most in marriage.
1. The little everyday things you do for your partner lets them know that you are thinking about them and the relationship. These little things which people call surprises, care and pet can make your marriage sweet and stronger than you can imagine.
2. Learn to enjoy leaving and returning home together
There are at least two times when it's easy to connect during the day, in the morning and after work. If you can make it a point of duty to pick your wife and drop her in her office, you will do well. It means you have time to gist and discuss while going to work and after the close of work. I enjoyed this practise immediately after marriage and believe me, it works.
3. Share Your Day
It's important to know what is happening in each other's lives when you are apart. To strengthen your relationship, ask about your partner's day and share the details of your own. This is very important for the women, it shows that you care and if it is regular, she will prepare her day's story to replay for you. If there are issues in the office, she will also share with you to obtain your opinion and advice, men make time for this discussion!
4. Go to Bed at the Same Time
Going to bed together will surely strengthen your love, as you can engage in bedroom discussion and other family discussions before bedtime. You can spend some quiet time together telling yourselves soft stories and relive good old memories gone bye.
5. Say "I Love You" Always
Be willing to communicate to your spouse daily and severally, at home and during office hours. I love you is a few words that touches women deeply. It does not strike the same rhythm with men, but most men also appreciate it. For me, the most important aspect of this affirmation is to do the talk.
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Duties of the Wife
The primary duty of the wife is submission and love, care and help. Submission is the ultimate tool for marital happiness. A submissive wife is not rebellious and God is happy with her. On the account of her submission, God blesses her and the family.
How to be Submissive
1. Identify his purpose in life and help him to achieve it.
2. Be his helpmate for real in the house. Cook delicious family meals that will keep him off Restaurants for food.
3. Be his soul mate and the first to know anything concerning him. Be truthful, honest and objective with him always. Let him trust you and your opinion on matters.
4. Compliment him and cheer him up always.
5. Let him know how you feel on important issues, hide nothing from him.
6. Listen to him and believe what he tells. Be jealous to ask important questions if his pattern or zeal change, and believe what he tells you.
7. Pray for him without season. Pray for his progress and successful endeavours.
8. Love and care for him in your own ways, not necessarily as you hear other women do. Be led by the Spirit of God in everything you do.
9. Honour him, take care of his wishes and obey his instructions.
10. Ask him for favours when you know he is in his most relaxed state.
11. Do not be argumentative - just listen. Though criticism can be very difficult to accept at times, you might just find it very rewarding to listen to your spouse.
Benefits of Submission
You may ask yourself why you should submit to your husband as the head over you and the family, after all, you earn, more than him and even have better education. Well, the answer is that God, who started marriage said you should submit to him.
It is an act of obedience that will bring peace in the marriage and allow the will of God to be fulfilled in the family.
The benefits include:
1. Lower chance of divorce - Keeps the spiciness alive in your marriage, as your husband will love you from his whole heart and take you for a helper of his destiny.
2. Increased feelings of love, grace, and companionship with your husband. Your husband will be so fund of you that even his mother cannot mess around with you.
3. Favours and special treatment from your husbands, such as gifts and extra surprises.
4. Peace in the house, i.e., decreased fighting or arguing.
5. Lower risk of infidelity.
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